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February 07, 2003F Is For FunnyCurrently, the world is awash in folks protesting the looming war with Iraq. There really arent that many of them but they sure as hell make a LOT of noise as well occasionally scare the children as in the case of eighty year old women who lie in the snow nekkid and spell out the word "bush"....arrrghhh....my eyes...my eyes!!! The latest incarnation of all this nonsense is the ever present pledge to give something up unless Bush hops from the war wagon and walks the path of peace. There have been all sorts of earnest pronouncements from people of conscience on this matter and, without exception, these pronouncements make easy targets for those with their heads screwed on straight. Bill Cimino over at Bloviating Inanities is one such person whose head is screwed on straight. Hence it is only natural for him to scorn and deride those who dont enjoy a tightly screwed head every now and then. He is not alone in his scorn and derision...I, myself, have been known to find a few million laughs in the earnest stupidity of those who think the good intentions of their anti war protests (in all their forms) equal effective action. Mr. Cimino even went so far as to opine about the different things a person could give up in the name of finding a peaceful solution to the Iraq crisis. Inspired by his patriotism, I decided to announce my own personal sacrifice for the war effort which is to promise to quit patronizing hookers until there is no war in Iraq or anywhere else for that matter. Mr. Cimino had the good taste to find that comment funny and even framed it in another post for which I shall reciprocate by immediately placing him on my blogroll. That's all it takes folks....find me funny and find yourself on my blogroll. Of course I dont know that is all it is cracked up to be since I have exactly four faithful readers and have had four faithful readers for three months straight now however ya never know...being on my blogroll might be worth millions in the future, eh? At any rate, please welcome Bloviating Inanities to the club. God, I am such a slut.... Posted by Mr. Helpful at February 7, 2003 09:48 PMComments
I'll give up giving things up to stop wars, if it'll stop this war. Oh, and I promise to stop dangling my babies over balconies, as well. How well-intentioned is that? Posted by: Kris Bell on February 7, 2003 10:53 PMactually its a little known fact that hanging babies over balconies is ok...as long as you dont drop them. Posted by: mrhelpful on February 7, 2003 11:12 PMOh it is? Oh, you're right, it is. I checked with OSHA, and they say you can dangle babies as long as those babies' weights don't exceed 50 lbs, and that if they're over 25 lbs, you wear a weight belt. I've even picked up my new OshKosh weight belt (which came with a complementary bib!), so I can dangle babies within the law. Nice blog, yo. Posted by: Kris Bell on February 8, 2003 09:56 AMthanks for the compliment kris...yer blog is scooby doo and mary ann too. your info on osha regs is a bit out dated. they USED to allow baby dangling however outlawed it around 45 years ago in the famous "mr. helpful got dropped on his head from five stories up" incident. unfortunately, no one told michael jackson so he thinks its ok and, judging from his most recent wacky interview, if mikey thinks its ok then that must mean it is ok for all of us. this promises to lead to a whole new era of jurisprudence in which every possible crime is run by jacko first to get his thumbs up or down. look for this to occur next in the area of nearly middle age adults sleeping in the same bed as unrelated pre-pubescent children. Posted by: mr. helpful on February 8, 2003 04:27 PMI still have a link to this blogsite up on my website. I think I'll give up boxing. That should work. Let me know if it does. Liz hi liz... will you accept my apologies? you are hereby added posthaste. you were, after all, one of the charter members of the mr. helpful website and i believe you found me funny back when it wasnt fashionable to do so.... as for giving up boxing, i dont know if that will help or not but i can say it will be just as effective as anything the left does... Posted by: mrhelpful on February 8, 2003 07:26 PMGeez. Why don't you two just fuck and get it over with? Posted by: Acidman on February 9, 2003 04:31 AMI promise to give up eating raw snails until there is Peace on Earth. It's a sacrifice, but I think it's worth it. Posted by: Andrea Harris on February 9, 2003 11:26 AMAnd I will no longer shove extremely breakable lightbulbs up my ass. Like Andrea, I'm not above making sacrifices for a worthy cause. Posted by: Bill on February 10, 2003 07:55 AMPost a comment
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