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June 07, 2003Chef Tony Presents...The Miracle BladeWelcome back Chef Tony! Thanks Tom! So, what knives do you have for us today? Tom, Ive got a boatload of knives for you today. All for just one payment of $39.95. You get the perfection paring knife, the not so perfect filet knife, the double whammy carving knife, a couple pairs of rusty kitchen shears complete with an extra dose of hepatitis AND a bunch of bent knives that you can use to fill up those empty drawers in your kitchen. WOW!! Sounds great!! Yes, Tom, that's over $3,000,000 dollars worth of junk for just $39.95 PLUS I am going to give you a good kick in the ass just for the trouble. If these knives arent the best youve ever owned, big fucking deal, youre stuck with them. Sounds great Tony...but are these knives REALLY as sharp as you say? They sure are Tom. Watch how the Miracle Blade cuts right through this engine block. Wow, it sure does....just look at all that engine oil! You betcha Tom. Now I'm gonna take this same knife and cut this tomato. See how the miracle blade cuts right through the mold that's collected on the outside of the tomato? Now THAT'S perfection!! That's all great but let's put the Miracle Blade to a "real life" test. Sure thing Tom. Here we have James the carpenter. Hi James. Hi Tony. James...this is what we want you to do. We have here an open electrical box with about twenty five live circuit breakers. One of the screws to one of the circuit breakers has come loose. We want you to screw that screw back in using ONLY the Miracle Blade Perfection Knife as your tool. Uh, Tony, that's pretty dangerous. What if the metal comes into contact with the electrified casing of the circuit breaker? Ha, ha, ha. That's part of life, James. Now, we're going to leave you to do this and we'll check back with you later. Oky doky. Now Tom, lets go cut some rare Peruvian stone artifacts with the all new Miracle Blad Perfection Series Knife. See how the knife cuts right through this one of a kind South American voodoo doll? Why, yes, Chef Tony, I sure do! That is amazing. But, can the Miracle Blade cut through this spent uranium rod from a recently decommissioned nuclear power plant? It can do that and MORE Tom!! Remember, this is the Miracle Blade we're talking about here. Look at those sparks fly, Chef Tony! Great job!! Now, let's go back and see how James the carpenter is doing with the Miracle Blade and our little electrical experiment. Oh my gosh, he's lying on the ground! Is he ok? Oh dont worry about him, Tom. James is just suffering from electrical shock. Watch as we use the Miracle Blade Perfection Series Knife to cut a hole in his trachea and clear an airway so he can begin to breath again. In addition, the Miracle Blade doubles as a makeshift heart defribillator. Just touch one end to the live electrical panel and the other end to James's heart. Now watch him just JUMP out of his skin!! Oh my gosh, youve brought him back to LIFE!! Not just me, Tom. Me AND the Miracle Blade Perfection Series Knife! (Massive audience applause). Well Chef Tony, we've reached the end of our show today. Thanks for showing us all the amazing uses for the Miracle Blade Perfection Knife! Wait, Tom, I'm not done yet! I have one more surprise for you! I wanna truly demonstrate just how sharp the Miracle Blade really is! Wow, I cant wait. Well, Tom, let me ask you. How many fingers did you have on your right hand when you came in this morning? Gee....five, I guess. Why do you ask? Look again, Tom. How many fingers do you have NOW on your right hand? OH MY GOSH, I ONLY HAVE FOUR NOW!! The fifth one is just a bleeding stump. How in the world did you do that? I DIDNT EVEN FEEL A THING!! That's the wonderful nature of The Miracle Blade, Tom!! Hope you enjoyed your surprise!! (Massive audience applause) Posted by Mr. Helpful at June 7, 2003 11:28 AMComments
Too funny, Mr. H.!!! Posted by: Bill on June 9, 2003 08:39 AMChef Tony, Chef Tony Your Fan Chef Tony Your Fan Dear Chef Tony,
Chef Tony, you bastard... You better stop messing around with my girlfriend, or I'm gonna do a Lorena Bobbit on you with that damned Rock'n'Chop and stick your "you know what" in the Ultimate Chopper. Watch it! Chef Tony, what the fuck chef tony? to put it plainly... you cant cook. first of all you look like a nazi bitch with that adolf hitler mustache you got goin on... how bout thinking about what you start cooking to... cause by the looks of you... i dont know.. im thinking you need some kind of dieting pills to put into your ULTIMATE CUTTER piece of shit. love your show, help me please... this is driving me crazy. No it's worse than that, it's driving me kraz-ee!! What the fuck is Chef Tony's second name? or does he have a whole Madonna 'single name only' thing going on? Posted by: lateniteeyes on August 4, 2003 05:48 AMhelp me please... this is driving me crazy. No it's worse than that, it's driving me kraz-ee!! What the fuck is Chef Tony's second name? or does he have a whole Madonna 'single name only' thing going on? Posted by: lateniteeyes on August 4, 2003 05:48 AMZat is a real great show! Me am french cook from frenchland. We not often have great food, now that major trade partner is gone :( so we often eat shoeleather, and da miraacle blade is good in cutting it. toni over a month ago i ordered your knife's and paid for your fast delievery to get the knife's as soom as possible and still no knife's we have email everyone we could find that any thing to do with the knife and noone seems to know or care if we ever get them. you have been paid for them i want my knifes Posted by: linda on August 16, 2003 02:46 PMtoni over a month ago i ordered your knife's and paid for your fast delievery to get the knife's as soom as possible and still no knife's we have email everyone we could find that any thing to do with the knife and noone seems to know or care if we ever get them. you have been paid for them i want my knifes Posted by: linda on August 16, 2003 02:46 PMi watch chef tony all of the time when i cant sleep and then is it the most intertaining and persuadeable....chef tony is deffinetly the coolest Posted by: notyalc on August 16, 2003 08:01 PMThe miracle blade looks great and all, but what I am really looking for is a miracle whip. Do you have one available? Hopefully, I purchased an ultimate chopper a few months ago and the blade housing broke. Can you advise me who to contact for warranty? thanks Chef Tony, Thanks, Dear Chef Tony, Ever since i was young, ive enjoyd watching people like yourself cook for others. and to see the reaction in the peoples faces when they bite into the great meal, i just love it. just the other day, i made a meal for my family (im 15). they loved it. i always asked my parents, since i saw your commericial of "miracle blades" and "the ultimate chopper", if they could buy it, but they said no. so, i was wondering if you could make my dream become clearer of becoming a cook n' if u could send me a miracle blade and the ultimate chopper. jen p.s. for more details, please e-mail me back Posted by: Jennifer on August 24, 2003 03:42 PMDearest Chef Tony, I love watching your infomercials. I am 14 years old and want to be a chef. My parents wont let me buy your Ultimate Chopper. I want it so bad. Also your miracle blades look so cool. show your infomercials more cause i like to say i will buy it but can't cause my mom has to many crapy knives.i would like to get the miricale blades they are good cause i like to cook and i watch Racheal Ray on the food network channel. Posted by: chace on September 3, 2003 09:18 AMMy Mirical Blade series has rusted. Can they be replaced? Posted by: Pam on September 7, 2003 02:52 PMYour infomercial is the best. You are an entertaining person and i enjoy watching you... If i had kids I would definitly show that infomercial to them. It teaches a great deal on confidence. It would sure help alot of people i know! Meeting you in real life would be a complete blast and an accomplishement like no other. Posted by: heyashi on September 10, 2003 12:28 PMI KNOW CHEF TONY .... IT IS MY FRIENDS DAD LOL IF YOU DONT BELIVE ME O WELL .... I KNOW HIM chef tony you are so nice i wanna have pictures of you i'm a big fan of you !! love your show !!! bye bye Posted by: julie on September 14, 2003 06:39 PMHow can anyone believe a word out of your mouth when you look like a pedophile? Posted by: devious on September 15, 2003 05:18 AMDear MR. Chef Tony, Umm your show really rules... but what the fuck why the fuck were u selling microwaveable socks that one day? What the hell? You crazy bastard? Also why the hell do you always get all the hot women!? Posted by: Peter Brady on September 18, 2003 11:17 PMChef tony, I love your shoes... they are fucking toit.. Oh yea... Whats your phone number maybe we can hook up and test those Miracle blade 2 perfection series on something... ;) Posted by: Mike Hansen on September 18, 2003 11:19 PMDear Chef Tony, me and my Girlfriend wake up really early at night to watch your show.... OMG You sell the most craziest shit.. like The ultimate chopper and the orange squezzer... and Also the Miricle blade perfection series... omg I want those knives lol.... Chef Tony... Where did you get your hat at? I would like to purchase one... Me and my GF are a huge FAN!! P.S. Make sure that you say something about me on TV please lol.... BYE Chef Tony
DJ and Katie! Posted by: DJ on September 19, 2003 07:59 AMremember when you sexed me up last night....you owe me your knives BITCH PAY UP...i dont do that shit for free Can we order a DVD from the Chef tony show, because the guy has so much confidence in himself the show is so entertaining ! Posted by: Weedz on September 21, 2003 10:15 PMChef Tony you bastard!!!!!! I was using a recipe from the NAKED CHEF'S cookbook together with you MIRACLE BLADE and I cut my fucking prick off!!!! Now I want to do to your neck what you do to the pineapple you B A S T A R D !!!!!!!!!! Mrs Pissedoff(formerly Mr Pissedoff) Posted by: Mrs Pissedoff on September 22, 2003 03:47 PMORDERED KNIVES 3 WEEKS AGO AND PAID FOR FAST DELIVERY .STILL NO KNIVES.HOW DO YOU REACH THIS LITTLE WEIRDO Posted by: JOHN on September 25, 2003 10:32 AMPeople this isn't actually Chef Tony on this website. Stop asking him questions. Your inane comments are almost funnier than the script for the FAKE INFOMERCIAL! The 12 year old who put his address on this site is a total ass, and I really hope he's being stalked by a child molester or serial killer for being so idiotic. Let's see who else writes to Chef Tony on this message board even after I exposed the harsh truth. Posted by: Mitch on September 28, 2003 09:44 AMHey Mitch...thanks for trying to spread the word about this actually not being Chef Tony's web site. I have made several efforts to let these morons know and the comments keep on coming. I dont know what the hell they are reading when they come to this page but it cant possibly be what I posted. Posted by: Mr. Helpful on September 28, 2003 07:52 PMi got the ultimate blender and after a few weeks or using it the plastice rotator broke and i mad and my moms mad REFUnD!!! I didn't want to post again, but I came back to get this URL to send to people. The (FAKE) infommercial script is quite funny. Alas, to my great dismay, my comment AND THE WEBMASTER'S comment, did not dissuade brent from writing to Chef Tony. All I can say to this is...sigh... Dumbed down version (without big words): my showtime rotisary oven is better than your knives! Piping hot!!! Posted by: Ron Popiel on October 2, 2003 09:07 PMTo onebig A HOLE Posted by: A Hole on October 11, 2003 05:44 PMWhat's with Chef Tony anyway??? The way some of those female co-presenters react to his food when they sample it is most suspicious! Still, he strikes me as a deeply depressed man. I'm a compassionate guy, you know! I do feel for him a little. Poor Chef Tony! I salute you sir! The world shares in your pain! Posted by: Ade on October 16, 2003 08:47 AMi am gay and the miracule blande is gay like me. Posted by: paul on October 23, 2003 04:31 PMHello Tony chief. In your emission on the miracle blade, you cut breads. With the normal knife to you it crushed and with the miracle blade take it to you in a suitable way. WHY!!!!!! GO CHIT MOTHER FUCKER TONY CHIEF!! Posted by: paul on October 23, 2003 04:39 PMHello Tony head. I have one of your ugly knife and I Have to try to cut my tailpipes and it has brisser. Your mother fucker knife is merry and me also I am it. I go you succer your super small penis I like your sexy clothing and your shoe and while passing in your emission you go to France and the world speaks in English. It is what this shit. Open the vein with your knife of shit. I wants to make you love like a head. I love you! Posted by: paul on October 23, 2003 04:46 PMChef Tony I am your biggest fan i watch your show all the time. I am 14 years old and i love when the lady on the ultimate chopper commercial says i love guacamolie and i love your miracle blades commercial when you say you can even filet the filet that always cheers me up. I promise i will buy your stuff on tv. Posted by: Michael Miranda on October 27, 2003 06:52 PMChef Tony I would love for you to slice your finger just take a filet off of it then filet that filet. The next time you should show how you can use the knifes to cut your toe nails. Can you shave with these knives? I have a lot of but hair I can shave a little spot off and you can kiss it. You owe me $1000 for wasting my time with this crap. Posted by: Jeremy Pisser on October 29, 2003 12:08 PMCHEF TONY, ME AND MY 2 FRIENDS LOVE YOU! YOU ARE OUR HEROES! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOO SEXY! WE LOVE YOUR LITTLE COCKTAIL-WEINER FINGERS! the LAST thing you need is to go on a diet! and you haters, DONT HATE YO! don't hate the the player, hate the game y'all! CHEF TONY R-E-P-R-E-S-E-N-T! Posted by: mandy jenny and kelly on November 7, 2003 04:41 PMHi Chef Tony, I am 15 years old and I live in Bosnia Hersegovina. We have only one television in our contry beacfause we are too poor. The only channel we have is STV with your show all day's long. Please send us a free scoop and chop for my poor family. Thank you so much P.S: You Rocks!!!! Posted by: Amer Krehic on November 11, 2003 12:26 PMCHEF TONY! I LOV U!!!! i'm an italian girl, your fun, sorry for my english but what's your surname? i want an autograph!!!! oh oh i lov u so!!! Posted by: chiara on November 14, 2003 06:12 AMTony ti amo! By Rocco Italy p.s. you are bello, bello, belissimo Posted by: Rocco Siffredi on November 21, 2003 12:12 PMDear Chef Tony! I am a member of the French Poultry Soucide Generale Committee de France and during your Tour De France I had the fortune of being invited to your presentation. If you take a look at your commercial again: I am the woman who says "cette une tres bon demonstration" into the camera. That is french and means somethin like "I touched your pants and felt your dick is as small as a filet knife" Anyway, I represent a serious group of depressed french chicks who have founded a sect to commit mass suicide. Can you send us a shipment of your wonderful knifes? You can find our official website with more information here: http://www.huehnerficken.de/ Posted by: Jamie Lee Curtis on November 26, 2003 11:35 AMI do the publicity for Marilyn & Harry Lewis, founders of Hamburger Hamlet restaurants and Kate Mantilini and Gardens on Glendon in Los Angeles. Marilyn has purchessed some of your knives and loves them, using them in her home. would you be interested in talking about her doing a testimonial for the Miracle Blade product line? Posted by: John Blanchette on November 26, 2003 09:53 PMOH MY GOD! Doesn't that last post leave you with warm fuzzy feelings about HOW STUPID people are.
Perceptions do not limit reality. If you would be unloved and forgotten, be reasonable. Chef Tony is a sexy beast Posted by: Genki on December 6, 2003 02:58 PMDear Chef Tony you ultimate piece of chopped shit, I hope your proud of yourself, you make my life fucking hell. I was on vacation in the 'US of A' (shit country by the way, and fucked up president) and saw your show on TV, and the ultimate chopper 'commercial'. Admittedly it was rather impressive, but this is what it did to my brain...The chief Tony, bastard is what are you. Mouse of titmouse, you are a bitch of absaloute. Ah! how you râlez my Camaro. I would like it much if you must suck very hard on my ass. Moreover blackbird Chadwick, Janet, Josh, Simon and Richard all the blood and shit of channel in large orange juice paperboards. AAH! the nipples of the rat could not contain the quantity of seman I ejaculated while observing your carver in the action. PS.(je am the dickinson of David, "good market like pieces, which is a dazzler of police officer!") You in the hell see that you râlez! Posted by: Bitchin' camaro on December 6, 2003 06:57 PMi FUCKING LOVE YOU ... IM GAY AND U R SOOOOO HOTT!!! I LIKE YOUR UNIT .... THAT U R SELLING! Posted by: jONOTHAN lONGTAIN on December 24, 2003 08:55 PMDear Chef Tony , Dear Chef Tony, Why do people verbally abuse you? What have you done to deserve such torture? I know you are "obese" and have an eating disorder, but does that give all of these people reason to dis you homey? I have a suggestion for you sweat problem-do the show naked! But be careful of that pinapple stunt that you do...those knives are huge. Let us know what your 2004 new years resolutions are! Posted by: LittleJohnny on January 1, 2004 11:20 PMI have become Death, the destroyer of worlds. Posted by: Finn Judy on January 8, 2004 06:49 PMChef Tony is worshipped by everyone here in Italy. Let the torch keep burning....Just let it burn! Posted by: Huzzah! on January 9, 2004 04:31 PMDear Chef Tony, we rule west coast crazies of north canyon suck. we got the miricle blade choppers. East coast what????? Posted by: east coast crazies on January 9, 2004 10:40 PMThis is wonderful !!! Your knifes, especially the slice and dice, was incredibly effective to cut frog flesh. Without them, I am surelly trying to suicide me now. Anyway, I shall cannot kill me without your sharpened blades. Thank you Mr. Tony, my friend. I will vote for you at the next election. CHEF TONY FOR PRESIDENT.
you suck balls and your "knife" also sucks balls Suits and religions rupture if you force them on. Posted by: Sadowsky Jacob on January 21, 2004 01:53 AMohhhhh man....chef tony, you can actually filet, ur filet!.... i love ur acu-ball control grip..ooooo it makes me wet =P i love u chef tony romerez, ill chop ur pinapple in mid-air anyday ;)..... ciaop for now! Posted by: ChEf tOnY jNr on February 25, 2004 02:40 AMi love u chef tony ur a fukin rockstar. Ur like a political prisioner from cuba u should kill rebenga with ur knife. REBENGAAA. i would like 2 c u fillet the fillet urs trully ur biggest fan Chef Tony - you are SOOOOOOOOO sexy. I just want to suck on your beefy hotdog fingers. I just love to rock and chop your dick into pieces and suck on them.................... Posted by: Mike on April 2, 2004 01:07 PMThis is a pretty stupis spoof. Posted by: not impressed on April 19, 2004 10:55 AMDear Chef Tony;) Sincerely, Joel Posted by: Joel Bohaychuk on May 12, 2004 12:47 PMYour wife was good last night Tony. Just talking about her makes my testicles wanna drop.. Speak of the devil..oh. make that devils Posted by: Jason on May 12, 2004 01:03 PMI like BJ's. I LOVE BJS!!!! i want your miracle chops around my dick right now chef tony. Your hotter than hitler. I want your dink in my mouth too. we could have hot 69 all nite long. call me, 682 4992 we'll sex it up all nite long. PS, my moms hot too. So is my sister. Lets pork. I want you to rock chop my *ss till i squirt blood. You could eat my insides out for fun Posted by: JB CLinton on May 12, 2004 01:06 PMDear Chef Tony! I bought your knives and am very proud of them! I am a 75 year old plumber and never in my life has it been so easy to cut steel pipes. Your knives rock! However, after watching the Superball and the embarassing exposure of LaToya Jackson (who was rightfully banned from TV and sports events), I also baught the Stiff-Dick pill from the commercials that also come during football broadcasts (Stay in the game, Jane or something) and accidentally during the next day, I grabbed my dick instead of the pipe. Now my knives are dull and bent and I have a scratch in my dick. You said you will replace the knives if they get dull even if the damage is your fault (actually my, but you said you which is me so to say, I hope you follow me) so it seems your knives can not stand up against a good olde dick. Why didn't you say so in your show? Dear chief Tony me and my gay friend we want to be made circoncier by a miracle blade but when one has to test our penis crossed into two. To help or give us us 100000000000.99 $ Thank you Posted by: Paul on June 1, 2004 05:24 PMHet Tony,Well maybe you'll remember me I worked for you in all the shows on Long Island,I know all the tricks of the trade BUT!! I'll never tell Bought all your stuff you demo!!Just cause you demo it!I cant beleive they call you a CHEF?ARE YOU?We didn't know?Well just to give you your props,My parties and tables are always the prettiest and best NO ONE can carve fruit or veggies like me.YOU TAUGHT ME WELL!!Love Ellen Posted by: Ellen on July 16, 2004 04:07 PMChef Tony I love you, i cant put it into words, u are all that is great in the world, u are a true chef, you wear that hat in pride, not only is your ultimate chopper great, but your miracle blade series knives are glorious, you are a true hero in this world, if i could vote for a president, i would vote for you.....i love you Posted by: Matt and Dave on August 3, 2004 09:19 PMOH chef tony, I want to filet the filet off your dick. When I cut your testicles, its gonna be hard to get one of those bad boys in the toaster! Posted by: mike on August 26, 2004 06:34 AMChef tony has entered as a presidential candidate. He vows to filet the filet off taxes Posted by: Mike on October 22, 2004 07:00 PMDear Tony chief, you rock the kiss of sucker of chopdick my scrotum of miracle and push l'excès to the top of your utimate crossed sweating l'imbécile. Hello Tony, I am the aboves the best friend, I remember the night spent, nobody ever sucked my hole of end thus hard, subsistence d'i'll l'image of your large naked idiots, and your mouth shitty for later, when I am alone, and will be most probably touched. J'aurais pleasure to insert my large knives to the top of your large bottom, and drinking your blood shitty, you shitty, bloody, invicible, jaggedy arsed the fucker of mother! Let rock the blow of axe to me your large tap you it ugly head of shit, tear d'i'll out of your lungs and put them in the final carver with your knifes of shit and your enormous red tap. Pisses on my blade of miracle you large heffer or i'll send a final carver directly to your door with your pulverized cranium of wife's in him, me you obtain large shit? Still, l'ami d'en high, l'amour d'i'd thinnly with the section, and smoke your penis. Then the blow of axe of your testicles, configuration they downwards on a planer, and strike them shits with a pointed motherfucker of beater, word BLAAAAH! ! ! ! Posted by: Death on October 26, 2004 02:43 PMcan some one please get me proof that tony is a chef ,if i dont prove this it will cost me a lot of money Posted by: charles on November 1, 2004 09:41 PMHi Chef tony! I'm a italian boy,I'm 17,you are a legend in my little city!I watch your program every day...you are the best!My friends loves you!When you will come in Italy? I ordered your product on October 1, 2004 and have not received anything. Can you please help. The charge was added to my credit card already. Ms. Clydette Cochrane Posted by: c cochrane on November 5, 2004 07:13 AMyou people do realize this isn't actually chef tony, right? Posted by: mike on November 10, 2004 11:04 PMchef tony ur so hot send me a picture of u naked u nice PEACE OF ASS Posted by: nina on November 29, 2004 06:55 PMI know Chef Tony and his last name too. He is a kind man that wants to feed all of the world's homeless children. Believe me when I say that Tony is in no way responsible for any orders of the Ultimate Chopper, Miracle Blade III, or Smartware. Call customer service with any problems 800-549-9830 Posted by: Sylmark on December 2, 2004 03:33 PMI bought one of those Ultimate Choppers! The blade broke and it turned into a circus to get a replacement! Check out my website I dedicated to the Gong Show it was! http://www.geocities.com/ultimate_chopper_sucks/Welcome_Page.html?1101867305330 Thanks for looking. Posted by: Ripped Off on December 6, 2004 07:37 AMPost a comment
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